i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
