I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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