im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
