Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
