she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
a search helicopter?!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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