maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How does it feel to date your dad?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
