Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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