dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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