I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
