I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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