We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
