You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
