hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
