you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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