i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
