So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
