i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
