I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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