Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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