4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
