I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
