Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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