it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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