Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
