Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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