I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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