Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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