You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
