isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
