Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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