i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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