i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
