You're my little dorito
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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