if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
