Please, let me fuck your mom
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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