That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
