Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
