I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
