i just wanna soil my oats bro
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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