He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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