i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
