moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
