marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
should my penis look like a turkey
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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