To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
