i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
why do cheetos always look like penises
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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