Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
