So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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