apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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