is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
