Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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