Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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